Sebastian is Love, Sebastian is Life
by FairHairedAdventureSeeker
Summary: A troll yaoi fic based off of Shrek is Love, Shrek is Life. I do not claim ownership to Kuroshitsuji or SIL,SIL. Enjoy -w-
1. Chapter 1

A/N This is a troll fic and not to be taken seriously! Also I'm writing this on an Ipod so bear with me... tiny keys...

Lady Elizabeth was visiting the Phantomhivehive mansion today and Ciel was not pleased. It wasnt that Ciel didn't like Lizzy... she was just... annoying. And Ciel was busy. He was very busy and did not have the time to be worring about a little girl! ...Even though she was really older than he was. All of a sudden, there was a girly, highlitched scream and the window behind Ciel shatterd!

"OH BASSY~ ARE YOU READY FOR SOME INTENSE BABY MAKING?!"

Poor Ciel's office was in shambles.

"What the fuck Grell, get out of my house!

"I just wanted to see Bassy... " Grell pouted

All of a sudden, Sebastian broke down the door.

"BOCCHAN I WILL SAVE YOU! LETS HAVE A THREESOME!" Sebastian squeealed, compleatly out of character

Ciel just sat there with a "WTF did I just see" look on his face.

"Threesome!" Grell yelled happily "Lets go!~"

Sebastian and Grell grabbed Ciels arms and dragged him to the bedroom.

They got to the bedroom and all sat on the bed. Sebastian suddenly took off his pants and did the gagnam style dance, his manhood swinging around as he twirled. Blood shot out of Grell's nose.

"Sebastian is love, I say! Sebastian is life!" he screamed

"Ciel baby, tell us the story of your childhood." Sebastian cooed sweetly

"When I was little, my father called me a faggot. I called him a cunt. He slapped me a sent me to bed." Ciel recounted sadly

"THAT'S AWFUL!" Grell shreiked very highpitched

"I was obsessed with this book called Black Butler... I had all themerchandise. All of a sudden, my window shattered! It was Sebastian from the books!" Ciel recited "I felt his warm body approach my bedside. He grabbed my pants and ripped them off."

-flashback- -Ciel POV-

"I'm ready." I said

Sebastian pounded on me, my buttcheeks ripping under the weight of his strong body. His meatstick was hard. Suddenly, my father came in.

"It's all ogre now." Sebastian said

Sebastian and I burned the manor down that night. Then I got kidnapped by some demonic cultests. Sebastian saved me.

-back to the present-

"And now I'm rich, handsome, an successful!"

"Shall we do that again, young master?" Sebastian asked

"Don't forget me!" Grell said

"Yes. Let us all pull down our pants and become one with Sebastian."

Lizzy suddenly burst throught the doors to see the 3 sweating and pounding agaisnt eachother.

"Uh. I'm just gonna go..." She said

Sebastian looked over at her.

"It's all ogre now."

A/N

Incase you didn't see, this is a retelling of Shrek is love, Shrek is life. Go watch it. Once again this is a troll yaoi and not to be taken seriously.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N This is based off the second Shrek is love, Shrek is Life video. I do not own the plot or the characters used in this fic. This is made to humor people and not to be taken seriously with all your fangirl minds. Also some spoilers for the School Ark of the manga. Enjoy~

-Ciel PoV-

It's the last day of school and I'm in my last class at Weston College. I'm talking to my super cool teacher. I thank him for a Sebas-tastic year.

"It was charming to be with you." He says

"No... It can't be." I mutter

I turn to him. It's just as I suspected. It was Undertaker this whooooollleee time. I lunge at him, trying to shove hot tea up his sexy-man errectum, but it was no use. As I uncover his anus, Vicount Druitt emerges and puts a layer-restriction spell on me.

"It's all ogre now." He says

Just as I thought my last layer was being stripped from my soul, Sebastian crashes through the ceiling!

"Yes..." I hiss

Without a moments hesitation, Sebastian grabs Undertaker by the dick, rips it off, and strangles him with it. Druitt tried to run away, but Sebastian pulled out his Earl Grey Tea Zooka. Druitt burns to ashes. Sebastain restores my layers, and gives me a cup of tea. I go home with a sore anus from his massive demon-sized shaft. Sebastian is love, Sebastian is life.

A/N Just a disclaimer, I do not support SebastianXCiel. Ciel is 12-13 years old while Sebastian is...old. Just an amusing idea my friend and I came up with.

It's not ogre.

It's never ogre.

Sebastian is love, Sebastian is life.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N Thanks to all my lovely commenters, followers, and people who have favorited this story! This chapter is based off of Shrek Is Love, Shrek is Life part 3... Yes there is more and I might even write my own origanal chapters depending how reception goes! Enjoy!~

-Lau POV-

Working at the opium factory. A customer askes for a ciggerete, and says to hold the nicotine. Put nicotine in it anyway, and spit in it for disprespecting Sebastian. Customer sees me spit on his ciggerette and complains to manager Ciel. Get fired on the spot. Go home, prey to Sebastian. I tell him what happend at work. I hear a whisper.

"Don't worry, your problems will ne ogre soon."

Wake up next day, open up the newspaper. Story on a double homocide... My ex manager Ciel and the customer were the victims. The story says they were both burned to death with... Hot tea. Hear another faint whisper.

"They should have checked themselves before they disrespected themselves."

Sebastian is love, Sebastian is life.

It is not ogre.

It's never ogre.

A/N Don't read too far into that one... Since it was pretty short I will do part 4 aswell.

Part 4

-Ciel POV-

I was 13 years old. It was the first day at Weston College and I was very nervous. I found my dorm room after the orientation, but it was surrounded by upperclassmen. I began to walk quickly to the nearest restroom, but noticed I am being followed by the older reaper students.

"Well it seems you're a little lost." Says Will as he walks towards me

I feel very intimidated.

"Sebastian, please! Help me!" I call out

But the reaper bullies laugh at me.

"Sebastian? Are you retarded kid?" Ronald asks me

Suddenly, the sent of... tea fills the room. The bullies are unaware of the wreck that is about to occur.

"Sebastian is shit kid, I would fucken destroy Sebastian." Ronald scolds

Grell laughs, and calls me a baby,

A strong, ogre-powering voice thunders throughout the entire restroom.

"Like thats ever going to happen."

The door bursts open and it's...it's Sebastian! Sebastian bursts through the door and all of his clothing, exposing his large penis. SID's song "Monochrome Kiss" is playing, turned all the way up to 11. The force of the music is so strong, that it shreds the skin of all the reaper bullies faces straight off. Sebastian grabs all three of them and mashes them together in one big ball, taking on the shape of a large cat. He tosses the reaper ball out the window as the screams from the students can be heard outside. Sebastian turns to me and...and...I just can't resist anymore. I can't let him down. I collapse on my hands and knees, offering myself to the demon lord. His large cock tears my mouth open as he lets out a mighty roar of pleasure and fills me to the brim with his pungeant, demon loaf. My eyes are filled with tears. Tears of joy. Tears of serrenity, as I passout onto the bathroom floor. I awaken in the intensive care unit, covered in huge amounts of tea. I went on to graduate Weston and got a ton of money to use on my company. Thank you, Sebastian.

Sebastian is love.

Sebastian is life.

A/N I hope you all had a good Indapendence Day! And for you brits, a good Lose-Your-Colony Day!


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